She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
