Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
