Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
