I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is classic penis vs brain.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
