Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
