So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
