When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize