and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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