Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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