i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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