He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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