He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
