so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
