My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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