ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
