We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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