Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
