Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize