Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol