I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
