i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
