She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
