Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
this hospital has no fireball
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
