he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
