You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So drunk its hurt
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Brb crying the tears of my youth
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
