I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is my gift to your gina
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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