Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
