So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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