its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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