i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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