how can u be prego again
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
