just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
