Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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