You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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