I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
