Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
