Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You are a genius and a whore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
