Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
