i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
