You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
