just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
