i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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