so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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