I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize