I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Apparently you make a good broom.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me i tasted like america
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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