Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
