dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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