She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
