weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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