This is not my ceiling
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
