Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
