I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
