I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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