i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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