Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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