Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
