Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
