Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
