It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
