I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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