He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
