I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
